Coping with drama on the job is one of the worst parts to be an executive. It has the potential to suck the life span out of you, and to kill your motivation, and for lots of my clients, it leaves them wondering: "Why did I choose this career?" The most effective exemplory case of this really is one my clients - we shall call him John.
John is the CEO of a production company. He hates drama. You can literally see his skin crawl when he discusses it. His face scrunches up. His shoulders tighten and he winces when he discusses the latest drama of the day. "I just don't get it. What is everyone's problem? Why can't they just do their work? It's like coping with children." Then his body crumbles, and he looks defeated. Exhausted. Helpless. Weighed down.
We are able to all connect with John. We have all experience political situations that people prefer to forget. Those times when we're caught in a pinnacle of workplace drama - one individual is upset, gossip in the corporation is rampant, and we feel such as a ping pong ball as we bounce around trying to make sense of the issue. So, what's an executive to complete? If you are caught in drama, how do you get out of this dark hole?
To begin with, let's talk about what to not do. John illustrates this well. Each time John experiences drama, he avoids it. He literally shuts down. His face goes blank. He starts to squirm, and he typically nods in a placating way. Not surprisingly, the placating nod does the most harm. When he nods, people feel understood, however when John he takes no action, they get mad. Outcome? They attack John. Dramacool They whisper in the lunch room: "What's his problem? He doesn't do anything!" Some individuals get angry. The irony is that now individuals have a brand new issue to bond around - John's deadbeat behaviour. It is not surprising that John has 45% turnover in his company. Not good.
So, that which was John doing wrong? Well, a couple of things. First of all, he distanced himself from the drama to the point he escalated the problem. By distancing himself, John became part of the drama problem because nothing got handled in a constructive way.
One of the basic principles of coping with drama at the job is to acknowledge your emotional patterns once you encounter drama and to acknowledge how your typical reaction plays a role in the problem. Does it escalate it? Enable others? Or diffuse it? If John was able to self-manage his reactions better, he could have got an alternative tactic when employees stumbled on him about issues. He would have expressed confidence inside their ability to deal with the specific situation constructively, facilitated the development of a behavioural code of conduct, or introduced an experienced 3rd party to simply help them. Instead, he was so busy managing their own anxiety, nothing got done.
Second, he created a "drama triangle" - a seductive high energy interaction which includes blaming, defensive behaviour, and rescuing. Drama triangles are recognizably consistent no matter what the important points of the specific situation and they include these roles:
The Persecutor: "This provider is such a hole." "I can't believe the quality of management." "It is all John's fault." "That VP, Sales is a real idiot." All the power adopts finding someone or something the culprit for the company's problems. Blaming another person makes people feel a lot better and, obviously, it means others have to change, not you.
The Victim: "I tried my best." "I couldn't get through." "They did this to me." This is actually the victim in the drama. They work with a helpless tone, and don't take personal responsibility. They might try to find anyone to rescue them, or the culprit, in order to get rid of their negative feelings.
The Rescuer: Rescuers need a prey to feel good. They are "do-gooders" without boundaries. "Let me fix this. Let me take this on." "I will save the day." "Let me rescue this poor person who was hard done by." Rescuers may try to simply help people without being asked, or they have a twisted pleasure in getting their nose into other people's drama.
Many people learn the power to be a persecutor, victim, or rescuer as children and they continue this behaviour inside their career without being conscious of it. As an executive, if you engage in this behaviour or respond to it, you will escalate the drama and there is a price to pay for - people won't desire to do the job, you will feel drained at the job, and you will produce a negative culture.
To break the cycle, you'll need to create the tone of personal accountability, respect, choice, and principled behaviour in your organization and work culture. Here are a few specific tactics:
- Be cautious about drama triangles and begin to look closely at who's playing the role of persecutor, victim, and rescuer. Be mindful that role you often play.
-Consider the payoff in your organization for taking on a specific role. Are people "bonding" with one another when they have another person the culprit? Are they avoiding coping with the complexity of issues by blaming one individual? Do the "victims" get pity? Do people feel sorry for them, or stay clear, thereby giving them power? Are you creating dependence in your organization by rescuing people? Self-righteousness?
- Explore what's being avoided by participating in the drama. Exist some deeper issues in the corporation that need to be addressed? If that's the case, what are they?
- Notice your reactions to drama. What are you doing? Not doing? What are you taking responsibility for? Maybe you have agreed to complete more than you wish to?
- Once you get brought about by a crisis, give attention to grounding yourself. Don't cope with the drama until you can get involved without escalating your personal emotional reaction.
- Facilitate a healthy outcome by concentrating on principles - respect, honesty, and making agreements that work. Understand that the more intense the drama, the harder it is to get people to come up with a healthy outcome.
-If you're too near the issue at hand, get a facilitator or executive coach to facilitate healthy dialogue.
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